Last night, as I wrapped my arms around you and held you close, you didn’t attempt to wriggle free. You didn’t flail your legs, contort your body or tangle your little fingers in my hair. Instead, you laid your head against my chest, relaxed your pudgy legs and tucked your thumb securely into your mouth. You gazed up at me, your sleepy eyes still the same blue-grey hue they’ve been since birth. I brushed the hair from your face, dimmed the lights and hummed the tune of your favorite song, the Itsy Bitsy Spider. For nearly an hour, I rocked you in my arms and studied your tiny features; your button nose, the slight dimple in your chin and your deliciously chubby cheeks. I said a silent thank you.
To any other mama, the act of rocking her baby to sleep may sound ordinary or even insignificant, but I’ve learned how truly priceless such a moment is. Despite your outgoing personality, sweet disposition and penchant for blowing kisses, you are not a snuggly baby. You welcome affection but the slightest sense of confinement sends you bounding in the opposite direction. Bumps and bruises do not require incessant consoling and bedtime is not prolonged with lullabies and the soothing sounds of a rocking chair. There was a time when you were tiny and you would fall asleep on your daddy’s chest or nestle into the crook of my neck, exhaling milky breaths onto my cheek. That time, however, was fleeting and too soon became a treasured memory.
Those quiet afternoons snuggled on the couch have been traded for learning and adventure and while it has been absolutely amazing to see you grow and change, a part of me yearns to rewind time. To pause just a second longer to inhale your newborn smell or to replay the first time I heard the sweet sound of your giggle. I would give almost anything to relive the day you met your big brother; to witness once again the immediate love that will forever bond the two of you together. The truth is, I simply cannot believe that a year has passed since you so seamlessly took your place within our family. You have brought us an indescribable joy and while I may not be able to rewind and relive so many priceless moments, I find solace in the fact that there are many more ahead of us.
I love you so very much. Happy Birthday, sweet Matty.
I love this! I am glad I am not alone out there. You sound like you are describing my Olivia. She is not cuddly either and I miss those days when she was a baby. She is two now and the days of snuggling or rocking are pretty much non-existent. Cheers to you mama!
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