Thursday, December 19, 2013

Early Morning Lessons

Several weeks ago we received a letter from Tyler’s teacher inviting us to his Kindergarten Christmas play. Accompanying the letter was a note informing us that Tyler had been cast as “The Real Santa,” amongst a flurry of other “Santa imposters.” His teacher kindly included some possible costume suggestions (ie red sweats, black shoes, Santa hat) as well as a note: PLEASE DON’T STRESS ABOUT COSTUMES.  

In the weeks leading up to the play, Tyler diligently practiced his three songs and two very important lines. Ryan and I quizzed him daily and encouraged him to let us hear his best booming Santa impression. I picked up a Santa hat and a red shirt, knowing that he already had a pair of red pants that would work perfectly. We were all set.

Or so I thought.

Tyler woke up this morning, the day of the play, declaring that he did not want to be “The REAL Santa.”

Me: “Tyler, why don’t you want to be Santa? You’ve been practicing your lines and your songs and you’re all ready to go.”
Tyler: “Because my costume doesn’t look like Santa!”
Me: “What do you mean, we picked out exactly what your teacher suggested.”
Tyler: “Yeah, but I don’t look like the REAL Santa! All of the other Santa’s have beards and they look like Santa and I don’t. And I’m supposed to be the REAL Santa!” (insert flailing arms here.)

At this point, Ryan gives me the side eye and reminds me that we’ve had weeks to get his costume together.

Me: “I had no idea he needed a beard. The note said nothing about a beard!”
Tyler: “I’m just not even going to be in the play. I’ll just watch.”
Ryan: “Tyler, you are going to be a great Santa, the BEST Santa.”
Tyler: “No, ______ is going to be the best Santa. He has black shoes and a costume AND he has a beard!”
Me: “ Seriously? The note said: DON’T STRESS ABOUT COSTUMES. And it was in BOLD print. What does that kids over achieving mother do? For real. Apparently she has nothing else to do ALL.DAY.LONG.”

So…before 8AM even rolled around, I found myself at Walmart searching one unorganized shelf after the other for anything remotely resembling a beard. If you know me at all you understand the courage it took to even step inside the door of that godforsaken place. Complete act of desperation. And there were absolutely no Santa beards to be found. Lucky for me, I have a very accommodating husband who was willing to carve some time out of his day to make a trip to Party City. So our kid might not have the boots or the suit or the ridiculously oversized belt, but he’ll have a beard. Call it what you want but I’m going to call it success.

I learned an important lesson this morning. Ok, I learned THREE important lessons. One, there will always be parents who go above and beyond what is required and it is very unlikely that said parent will ever be me. At some point, if for nothing else but my own sanity, I am going to have to come to terms with this fun little fact. Two, it’s absolutely impossible to be an attentive wife, doting mother, full time employee AND ensure that your kid has a costume for the school play, properly fitting apparel for pajama day and a healthy snack to share for the class party. And three, it’s probably a good idea if I refrain from judging how mothers who cannot follow simple attire suggestions spend their time as I’m now sitting here sincerely hoping that the words “What does your mom DO all day?” do not come out of the REAL Santa’s mouth today.

Parenting is tough work, my friends. 

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